Premature Cynicism

And so these thoughts tear holes in my youth.
I trusted HIM
I wanted HIM
I saw HIM
I felt HIM
I used to believe in HIM
Now he has left me and I am left here cynical and betrayed

The world is made up of nothing that is everything to us.
EVERYTHING IS NOTHING
NOTHING IS EVERYTHING

We seek marriage to find someone who is the closest to what we are. We hold them close for comfort from the world. A blanket for an infant. We never outgrow infancy; we only gain vocabulary and excuses. So to love is for one's benefit of being saved.

We chose not to think in order to avoid being scared. For if anyone were to think of what she should she would constantly be watching her back. Paranoia would take over and result in her death.

I may not have a big vocabulary, but I know how to think.
It's just life and death and what we put in between.
No matter what we make of ourselves we will all die.
So how them must we make our lives meaningful?
Life is just made up of a series of moments that cause us to react.
It is in those reactions that we feel the need to make things matter.
The truth is nothing matters.

People are not continuing to get smarter.
Education solves nothing.
History has only "progressed" in technological advances.
Those advances merely train us not to think.
They make us more numb so we no longer see that we are still corrupt.

And who is to say what is corrupt?
Why is order the "right" choice?
It could be that order is easier, but to classify things into right and wrong is not practical.
It is merely a matter of convenience

These words don't matter. Education doesn't matter. But I guess with a cynic also comes a hypocrite because I still care.